Bad Blake's 7 Slash
Writing bad
Blakes 7 slash at ten o’clock on a con Sunday morning has become pretty much a
tradition for Eclectic 21. This time, we
decided to do things differently.
Researching the worse slash/porn clichés we came up with the list below,
with the fantastic phrase of ‘Warrior Sodomy Tradition’ added in at the slash
workshop the night before:-
bearded clam
tunnel of love
magic wand
throbbing
slurp
lick and spit
light sabre
wet pussy
rock hard
fluffy head
stretched leather
pearl necklace
Warrior sodomy tradition
However, instead of using the words in a sexual sense we decided to make
things tough, and use them in a completely innocent context within the
story. This is the result of the
exercise!
<>
Blake, Avon and Vila
teleported down to an anachronistic English seaside town. Their intention was to get some much needed
R&R in a place where they wouldn’t stand out too much. They were going to attend an Eastercon for
some mingling because they wouldn’t get noticed. Walking along the seafront, in the rain, Vila complaining that he
has to walk because his feet are throbbing. Avon looked
down to see the stretched leather of his too
small shoes.
<>“Maybe the six inch heels weren’t a good idea,” he said.
Blake’s attention was distracted by the sweet shop dead ahead. He was particularly attracted to a selection
of sweets advertised as ‘rock hard rock’.
<>“Oh, I must have some of that!” he said enthusiastically.
Avon rolled his eyes.
<>“If you must,” he replied, as he paid for the stick of rock.
Blake unwrapped the treat, slowly peeling off the wrapper to prolong the
anticipation. Sticking out his tongue he
had a quick lick and spit.
<>“What’s wrong now?” Avon growled.
“It’s mustard flavoured!” Blake said petulantly. “I want a drink to take
the taste away.”
<>Vila opened his can
of pop with a splash. Blake grabbed the
drink and took a large slurp.
“Come on,” Avon growled, tired of
crewmates childish antics.
<>At that moment the shop’s cat came running out of the back room and ran
into Blake. Blake tripped and split the
drink all over the animal. The wet pussy cat yowled and shot out of the shop.
Avon had seen a small museum
next to the ‘Tunnel of Love’ ride.
<>“Let’s go in there,” he said, point to the museum.
“There’s not much in the weapons section,” Blake moaned. “They couldn’t afford even a heavy sabre
they’ve only got a light sabre.”
<>The museum had a small souvenir shop attached. Vila’s
eye was taken by the assorted of the usual tat on sale.
“Look at that!” he said, picking up a decorated seashell.
<>“What do you want a bearded clam shell
for?” Blake asked.
“I like it,” Vila
replied.
<>“You would,” Avon said.
“It reminds me of Vargos,” Vila
continued.
<>Avon turned away in disgust
seeing no reason to want to be reminded of Vargos. Then he spotted a display of fighting
men. A tall statue, dressed in chain
mail and sporting a startling fluffy head caught
his eye.
“Look at that Warrior sod!”
<>“Oh my!”
”Tradition dictated that they have that
hairstyle,” Blake finished.
<>Vila quickly lost
interest as a lecture on the hairdressing habits of this warrior class sounded
imminent. He had seen a lovely pearl necklace which would suit Jenna.
Blake saw a poster for a magic show, the big three D picture of a magic wand drawing his attention.
<>“Let’s go see that,” he said.
“Let’s just go,” Vila
said hurrying them out of the shop.
<>Several yards down the road he pulled the stolen pearl necklace out of
his pocket.
“What do you think Jenna will give me for this?” he asked, with a big
grin on his face.
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